Interacting with other humans causes me a lot of stress. Within the past 48 hours, it has caused me a buttload of stress, probably more than necessary. I’ve been stressing about where some friendships are going. Should I be trying to preserve them, or should I just let them take their course? I don’t want to try to recreate something from the past when everything has changed, but I also don’t want to be the one who didn’t put in the effort that the other person was looking for. Or maybe nothing is really wrong at all and it’s all just in my mind! STRESS!
I’ve been stressing about how to act around certain people when things have changed between us. There are some people I may have been alright around in high school, but now I don’t feel like pretending. I’d like to not see them anymore, or be able to say “Hey, I don’t really want to talk or hang out with you anymore. But we can still be acquaintances and say hi” but it’s not that easy. Or maybe it is? I suppose I could say what’s on my mind but people just don’t do that, do they? STRESS!
I’ve been stressing out about spending enough time with my parents. I live with my dad but sometimes I don’t know if we spend enough ‘quality’ time together. And when I stay with my mom, I’m never sure if it’s ‘enough’ time in general. Maybe it just is what it is and I need to stop freaking out. I mean, my relationship with my parents is good, I feel like I can tell them pretty much anything and I’m thankful for that. But still, STRESS!
I’ve also been stressing about keeping in touch with others. Because I really suck at that and always have. I think I’ve been putting off returning calls from my aunt for like three days now. And I only just filled out postcards to send to some friends from school, when I bought said postcards last weekend. And I still need to call or skype a few people. STRESS!
I was hoping to come back for break and just chill. Chill with the parents, chill with some friends that I wanted to chill with. But having parents (with schedules of their own) living and working in two different towns isn’t the easiest thing. Friends change and so do the friendships you have with them, and it’s not the easiest thing to figure out. I myself have changed but some people expect things to be the same, and facing that isn’t the easiest thing. And as if the here and now wasn’t hard enough there’s the rest of the world going on.
I realize that all this probably sounds like the myspace ramblings of an emotional 14 year old. And really it’s not all that bad. But this stuff honestly stresses me out, and so I needed to vent a little. Now that it’s done I feel a little better though, and I’ve realized there are a few things I can do to reduce all this ‘GAHHHH!’-ness. One of them is going to bed right now. Goodnight, world!
